What to Do When Your Boss Gives You a Bad Review

Dear Crucial Skills,

At my last performance review, my boss was extremely positive and gave me great feedback, so I was horrified to later on discover that he gave me a score of "below average" on the formal paperwork.

I bundled a meeting with him to observe out why. That's when he told me I was disengaged, did not challenge myself, and did not interact well with others.

I don't believe any of that is true, and, fifty-fifty if it is, he should accept brought it upwards during our initial discussion. I got angry in the meeting, so he read me a formal 60 minutes argument about the review process and has since refused to talk with me well-nigh it. What should I practice now?

Signed,
Blindsided

Dear Blindsided,

The short answer? First over.

I mean that in the most encouraging way possible. If at first you don't succeed, attempt, endeavour once again.

That said, I don't think you should try to get your performance review score revised, nor do I recall y'all should try to convince your boss that what he did is wrong. I do recall y'all should endeavour to meet him where he is.

Here'south why.

Information technology sounds similar the interaction has reached a temperature that almost guarantees you'll be met with resistance if y'all persist. Even if yous succeeded in persuading him to change the score he gave yous, it probably wouldn't mean much long term. "A human being convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."

The fact that you got angry and he's at present refusing to talk tells me this conversation isn't going anywhere until one of you restarts it in the spirit of practiced religion. And while you lot could wait and hope for your dominate to do that, the power is in your hands.

Here'south what you can exercise.

Focus On Yourself First

Y'all won't successfully resolve this disagreement if at that place are ill feelings in your middle, because whatever you are feeling you volition end up expressing, whether in torso linguistic communication, tone, or words.

In crucial moments like the ane you face, nosotros often believe that others are the cause of all that ails us, simply it's this conventionalities that prevents united states from communicating in a way that could lead to progress.

Then, recognize that as much as you lot may want your boss to change your review or confess he handled information technology poorly, the simply person you tin can alter is yourself.

Get Articulate on What You Want Long Term

When conversations turn crucial, nosotros tend to get carried away with trying to win, protect our beliefs, punish others, and then on.

Such tactics are concerned with short-term outcomes, and achieving them usually comes at the expense of long-term outcomes that accept much greater value. I doubtable, for case, yous don't go to work every solar day in club to get a practiced performance review or that what you lot really desire is for your dominate to "swallow crow."

So, pace dorsum and try to place any short-term desires yous may have, then replace them with a long-term, good for you perspective.

Reflecting on the following questions should help.

• What practise you ultimately want?
• What do you care about—in the long run?
• What's worth caring about—in the long run?
• What exercise y'all want for your boss—in the long run?
• What do you lot desire for the relationship—in the long run?

Consider Your Own Contribution

One more thing to reverberate on: Are you overlooking any ways in which you might've contributed to your situation? Have you done anything that would give your boss reason to do what he did, regardless of whether yous discover his reasons excusable? For example, note the chip of irony in your question: getting angry at your boss may have validated his assessment, correct or not.

Interlude: Internal vs External Work

So far I've outlined the internal work you lot should do earlier yous raise your concerns over again. This will enable you to reframe your perspective and get control of your emotions. When you've done this sufficiently—whether it takes you seconds or days—it feels like letting go.

Why? Because you volition have let go—of any story that suggests "he'due south wrong and I'yard right" or "his behavior is unjustified and mine'southward justified," and so on. And when you've let go, y'all'll feel malice dissolve and frustration dissipate. That's when y'all know you're prepare to talk.

Y'all may likewise experience vulnerable. Vulnerability is a good sign. Information technology means you're almost to take backbone, not revenge or some other spiteful action.

At present, on to the external piece of work.

Apologize

You don't have to apologize for your position—it's ok to disagree with your boss's cess of your performance or how he handled the review process—but you may want to apologize for getting angry. It'south unlikely you'll get a dialogue going without doing so.

Here's what that might look like: "Hey, I've thought a lot near how I reacted to my performance review and I'm really sorry. I was wrong to lose my temper and I hope you lot can forgive me."

Now share the adept intentions you should accept established when you did your internal piece of work—for yourself, your boss, and your human relationship. Conclude with a request to attempt over again.

"I really want to do a good chore hither, and I want your honest feedback. I also want you lot to experience like yous can give me honest feedback any time. And I desire to meliorate how we talk about this stuff. I feel our last conversation did not go well and I'd like to try again. Would that be alright with y'all?"

If your boss declines your request, it doesn't necessarily mean game over. You may have to accomplish out a few times before he feels prepare to talk, or you may have to wait until your next review. Allow him know your door is open up and allow him his right to choose.

If, on the other paw, your boss accepts, take the next steps.

Seek Mutual Purpose

Make it your primary goal to uncover some common ground. What do you both intendance nearly? I'll assume he wants yous to exercise adept work and that you desire to practise good work. Can yous discover common footing with regard to the functioning review?

"I'd like to know where you're coming from. Information technology would help me if we tin get on the aforementioned page, so I desire to know how you meet operation reviews. What's their purpose in your view, and what do y'all hope to attain with them?"

Seek Some Basis Rules

After y'all've identified a shared goal, suggest some ground rules to reduce the chance of miscommunication. Even if your boss is following a formal procedure, it should allow for some advice guidelines.

Here are three suggestions.

1. Focus on Facts. Ask him to share concrete examples and facts surrounding your performance. For example, "disengaged" is an interpretation of behavior; showing up late to work every day is a fact. And commit to using facts yourself. If he shares feedback you want to contest, do then with information.
2. Describe Gaps. Inquire him to connect the dots from your behavior to clear standards or expectations. "I call back I can brand better progress if you lot could have a little extra time to explicate why my performance is considered beneath average and describe what boilerplate or good functioning looks like. Tin can nosotros do that?"
3. Request Transparency and Time. Finally, going forrad, ask for forthright feedback on your first meeting and see if he'll agree to a second meeting to review things earlier paperwork is filed. Explain y'all would like a couple days to process his feedback before embracing it.

Y'all Can Do It

Find all these tips combined put the onus on you. Nothing I've said will empower you to change your dominate's behavior or listen. But when we prove up differently, others respond differently.

I frequently say that the skills of Crucial Conversations, when demonstrated, wait like taking the high road. And while taking the loftier road can be difficult, information technology will atomic number 82 you college.

Good luck,
Ryan

PS. Here are two more manufactures on the subject that you might find helpful.

• The Key to Giving and Receiving Negative Feedback
• How to Exist Resilient in the Face of Harsh Criticism

Contributor and Managing Editor

"A single insight can modify the course of your life."

Ryan Trimble enjoys reading, thinking, and writing most what it means to lead a good life. He holds a bachelor'southward in philosophy and has worked as a copywriter, product designer, and editor for Crucial Learning since 2017.

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Source: https://cruciallearning.com/blog/angry-with-your-boss-over-a-bad-performance-review-heres-what-you-should-do/

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